I felt a slight breeze. I thought I was dreaming.
Then warmth. (Oh I must have been dreaming.)
Heavy breathing heard. Stale liquor odor permeated my nostrils.
Oh where was I? Not dreaming. Just harsh reality.
I turned my head away from the strange. Cat like. Fast.
Surprised at how alert I was so quick. Even though I wasn’t fully connecting the dots.
Eyes wide open. Senses not ready to connect fully to my brain.
I was sound asleep-a primal sliver of me was wide awake.
Was it a nightmare?
I immediately recognized the brown, worn, wooden (or facsimile) handle.
I remembered my mother telling me the knife was a wedding present from Uncle Sal. That was November, 1959.
This was September, 1977. 2:15AM. And there was my parent’s wedding gift deep in my pillow, up to the handle. Right where my ear and the rest of my face was a split moment earlier.
And split was the correct word to use. If I didn’t move away as quick as I did, the knife nana used to cut tomatoes for Sunday pasta sauce would have been deep in my head.
What would nana do? She would react! Punch out!
And that’s what I did. Straight up hard enough to knock mom’s new drunken boytoy right off the bed.
I ran. I kept running. I thanked up to divine vapors I couldn’t see nor understand.
Thank you for the burst of stamina I needed to survive.
I could have died today. Killed today. Just like that. Shit-and I needed to get to school!
Every day someone is out to kill you. Even you.
No, I’m not referring to some psycho ex with a kitchen knife although for some of you I believe that’s coming. Mentally. Financially.
The entire world is wonderfully designed to slap you down and take your money for junk you’ll never use.
I mean do I really need this? I do want one (and I don’t fish.)
Daily, from the time you wake and turn on the radio or television there’s some fucker out to murder your spirit. It happens today more than ever.
Or I’m getting older and as my prostate grows I get angrier. Either way, I know it’s happening!
So what the hell can you do?? Random thoughts:
1). Find a compliment for someone today. Swallow your bile and do it. And be sincere. Set your tone for the day. Tell someone you love them even though they ignore you when you say it. Do it for you. Don’t expect shit in return.
2). Go one friggen day and don’t buy a damn thing. Not even gum. Buy nothing for one day. Ignore all the temptation to part with money. If you need gas stay home. Take a sick day. You’re sick of spending. And if you must – USE CASH. Yes, cash.
3). Ignore negative people. If you feel like you lost a tailwind after talking to a person, remove that person from your life. Today.
4). Increase your retirement plan or 401(k) contribution by 1 percent. Get online or call your retirement plan customer service and do it. Do it now. You won’t even miss it.
5). Write down everything that/everyone who makes your life better. I carry a Moleskine notebook with me everywhere and write daily.
6). Move around. I bought a headset so I can make phone calls while walking around.
7). Cancel a credit card. Cancel your most recent card. You perhaps need two max. All the rest need to go. Cancel the one with the least credit history (I don’t want to murder your credit score) and the most in interest charges.
8). Take control. Of something. I don’t care if it’s arranging your pantry or balancing your checkbook. Accomplish something you feel good about. Something that gets your life in control. In better order. There’s a beauty to order. Hot messes only go so far.
9). Give (get) a foot massage (from) to a willing participant. Personally, I’m not doing this. I may do neck. There are 2 people in the world I’d touch below the ankles. They know who they are. Enough said. And nobody is touching me. Thanks though.
10). Breathe. Go deep.
You’re not dead yet.
You have more to do.