The “Don’t Worry about your Money,” Pitch. Please, Please don’t be a Dumbass.

Radio is an obsession for me. Was. Is.

Was: Talk radio in the 70′s Metro New York was somewhat magical. And talk was all AM banded. Like CB radio on major wattage steroids. FM was for pussies who listened to music and didn’t want to learn anything.

And if I wanted music I could tune the razor-tooth dial on my bright-orange RadioShack plastic transistor to WABC 77 AM and listen to them spin “Brandy,” by Looking Glass over and over and over again. And then again.

Allegedly, Brandy was a fine girl. I always pictured Brandy as a Susan Dey with breasts. Susan Dey was all nipple. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing.

What ever happened to tenement walls as billboards?

I loved my CB radio even more. Around noon, summer, 1976 in the high heat of the day, I was always able to raise Donna on channel 21 for sexual favors on the roof of the apartment complex where I lived.

Once she needed to call the fire department because my bare butt and other more sensitive areas (in between) got mired in the slope of roof coated with sloppy, sticky asphalt. Embarrassing.

How those fire people laughed at me. Not funny. Baby Fredo with his pants down.

Afternoon Delight,” by the Starland Vocal Band truly was apropos then. Who was supposed to be the stick and who was the stone in that ditty?  Always confused me.

You know you want to sing it..”Rubbin’ sticks & stones together makes the sparks ignite…” Yep.

I delivered “The Daily News,” every morning at 4:30AM. One of the biggest routes in Brooklyn.

Right there on the handlebars-midpoint. An AM radio designed for bicycles. I would listen to Paul Harvey (he sounded old then god rest his soul), John Gambling (Rambling with Gambling) and just the all-news station WINS beginning at 5AM.

In the 70′s the money talk was about inflation. You think we have inflation now? HA. If I collected $1.25 from a customer on Friday afternoon by Saturday morning itwas worth 90 cents. Radio money talk ain’t what it used to be.

The money radio babble (local to me) today, especially on the weekends has become downright silly. Informercial city. There’s one show in particuliar that shall remain nameless. The “expert,” screams at you. Says (howls):

“IF YOU INVEST WITH ME YOU WON’T WORRY ABOUT  YOUR MONEY! YOU’LL BE COLLECTING SHELLS ON THE BEACH!”

5 Random Thoughts:

1). If an advisor tells you not to worry about your money – RUN. Some of the most successful, wealthiest people I know worry about money. They’re sensitive to taking on too much debt, how much they save, how they talk to their kids about it, how to budget. A little stress keeps you alert. On your toes. Those who are carefree and don’t stress about money hold more debt, especially credit card debt – the worst kind of debt.

2). If an advisor is using the words “sleep at night,” and “guarantee,” or go collect sea shells – RUN. You better know what you’re paying for the Snuggie. It’s ok if you want to pay for guarantees, most likely through life insurance, if you understand how much it’s going to cost you.

3). Don’t believe financial services television advertising. As soon as you observe the elderly couple holding hands, making warm and fuzzy with their financial advisor and skipping through the bluebonnets, realize your experience is going to be just the opposite. And if there’s sappy music in the background? Even worse. Run again.

Financial services tv ads are so cute.

4). Don’t have sex on a hot roof. Or any roof. Do I need to go further here?

5). Treat financial media in general as entertainment. Unless you’re experienced enough to separate the entertainment from real information you should stick with watching reruns of “The Andy Griffith Show.”

I see this entertainment factor show up more on the national level. Anyway. Take it all in with a skeptical eye. Do your homework.

How will you worry about money today?

C’mon it’s good for you. Like beets. I hated beets as a kid. Still do. Blah.

Beets. Coming up!