“Been on the road a couple of months.”
“By yourself?”
“Yea.”
“Where did you live before that?”
“I was in a town.”
“Were the monsters there?”
“No.”
“It was safe. Full of good people.”
“What happened?”
“He just – lost it.”
“Who?”
“Man in charge.”
“I barely made it out alive.”
Brian Heriot aka “The Governor – Philip Blake.”
As you rip from the past, forge a path to the present, there’s a good chance the man in charge will unravel.
Actually, it’s guaranteed.
There will be.
A tumble, a spiral down, to discover who you really are inside.
And burn out what’s haunting your sleep.
Because fire cleanses.
Extinguished fires leave imprints.
Black stains scar foundations.
I’ve learned to fear and respect fire of the mind.
You won’t notice change; at the surface you’ve built high fences. However, underneath, today’s thoughts are directing steps to a place you must go.
Actions will eventually get you where you need to be.
First you’ll stagger.
Over time, your gait will firm.
Deeper strides begin.
You don’t look back any longer.
Perhaps you’ll change your name to a person who was loved once.
Take on a new identity.
Not an issue. Whatever it takes. You do it.
Because a free mind can’t be shackled.
And ego is loosening the grip.
Yep: To gain a second chance at life you must die first. A piece of you must pass. In the worst case, an organ will be sacrificed. An element of your sanity, or stamina go to black.
You’ll fight until exhaustion.
Thrash.
Until death overtakes you.
You understand (finally).
There’s no other choice.
If you want to survive.
An enriched life dwells in acceptance, not resistance.
“Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to “die before you die” — and find that there is no death.”
― Eckhart Tolle
When my father was in the care of hospice and dying one cancerous internal a minute, I wanted to accelerate the process somehow. I thought of insidious ways to fast-track his departure. There was red behind my eyes. I couldn’t understand why he needed to suffer.
I didn’t want to understand then how we all must suffer.
To climb to higher places.
Grow.
I was mad at dad for leaving. I hated how I held his hand for ten hours and for five of them it felt like gripping flesh ice.
He always did the opposite of what I thought he should.
As the man in charge he drank too much, womanized too much, worked too much.
Holy shit.
As the man in charge you do it, too.
Rain blood on the closest ones.
Splatter some on yourself.
And it never.
Washes off.
The man in charge forced rules you lost interest in a long time ago but still followed; you couldn’t understand why you carried them with you for so many decades.
Maybe the space felt comfortable even though it worked against your spirit.
It’s the clash. A battle. Between past and present. Ongoing.
And in acceptance you admit.
Finally.
You were indeed, the man in charge.
Suckered, duped, stupid, evil, resentful.
All you.
Good or bad. That was you for a time. A system-based creation from endless approval of others and false control – courtesy of ego.
Because you couldn’t control outcomes. You couldn’t accept the rejection, the change, the spin of the earth, until damage was done –
It’s not fight or die.
It’s fight, THEN die.
Your inner self, perhaps who you were as a child, was a pale light in the distance that eventually got snuffed out.
Realize..
You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.”
― Eckhart Tolle
And a new man in charge emerges.
Out of the shatter.
Wakes up reborn.
Carrying new rules.
Stripped of ego.
Steeped in humanity; seeded from insanity.
New choices.
A higher self.
Rebirth.
And so it was for Philip Blake.
And so it can be for you.
Random Thoughts:
1). Be re-vulnerable. Look – I created a word. Crash through the high walls. Allow vulnerability to live again. You’ll need to practice. High fences just don’t fall. You’ll need to consciously drive through them every day. I’ve learned to be open to and aware of those around me. I’m more charitable. I direct my anger toward evil entities. I drop people who suck my energy. I hug my daughter from somewhere beyond my heart.
2). Become re-acceptable. Of yourself. Who you were before you lived for the approval of others who held the power, but little substance. Through nurturing your own self-acceptance, you will become accepted by others. At least the “right others.” As Srini Rao writes and teaches in his best selling new book – The Art of Being Unmistakable: A Collection of Essays About Making a Dent in The Universe –
Accolades, awards, recognition and validation may never come. In addition, ironically, when you finally stop giving a shit about them, they seem to come in abundance. Be your own gatekeeper, tastemaker, and connoisseur of what matters. Do not choose yourself so the gatekeepers will choose you.
3). Seek re-energy. Living in the past saps energy. The present creates passion, excitement. It’s full of oxygen. Focus on a present moment. No matter how small. Step into it. You’re not your parents, your co-workers. The past does not define who you are right now at this moment.
“Awareness is the power that is concealed within the present moment. … The ultimate purpose of human existence, which is to say, your purpose, is to bring that power into this world.”
― Eckhart Tolle
4). Relish replenishment. Sure, investing is sexy. Financial media touts sexy all the time. Sell Apple, buy Tesla. Nothing sexy happens without the boring act of saving money, replenishing financial coffers. In the new year, increase your savings rate by 1 percent. Haven’t started? That’s the past. This is the present. Begin an auto-savings plan today. Now. Direct at the minimum, 1 percent of your take home pay into a savings account.
5). Cherish those who re-new. Who are the people who renew and revive you? You need more of them. You need to appreciate and fight for those who renew your spirit. Those you love. No matter the disagreements. If I love someone I tell them. Why hold back? Life is too short (especially in a zombie apocalypse).
6). Know when to re-unleash hell. It’s inevitable. Sometimes you will need to fight the enemy. You also need to know if you’re the enemy. Focus energies on what’s required to overcome obstacles. Roll a tank over your ego. Occasionally, that’s a challenge for The Governor.
Although he does try.
He’s got some work to do.
Noted.
Look up.
A pale light glows brighter.
Dark clouds fade.
Self-redemption is yours for the taking.
Accept the past. You can’t change it.
It’s a prison.
Accept the present. It’s yours to take.
Now.
Step.
“Your outer journey may contain a million steps; your inner journey only has one: the step you are taking right now.”
― Eckhart Tolle
Random Thoughts of a Money Muse 